My Dad

My dad is still hanging in there, we had him transferred home for hospice home care. He was able to stay home only day. We couldn't control him, he was getting confused and aggressive, the meds weren't calming him down, he wouldn't stay in bed, he kept getting up and kind of combative. They said this was one of the stages.

So we transferred him back to Haven Hospice care center, and he was alright for a few hours, and we went ahead and went home. At 9:30 that evening, we were called back, he was out of control and the meds were not working on him. It was Sunday, so they had to wait for the doctor to come the next morning to increase the medicine or some other med. He would take the medicine and would sit and groan and cry out I'M DYING, help me LORD. Then he would say let me up, they are killing me. We couldn't let him up, was afraid he would fall. But we had to stay, because every two hours, the meds would completely where off and it would all start again. It was a long night. Then he woke up this morning, kind of confused and didn't respond to us,it took about an hour for him to answer us. He looked so sad and fragile sitting there. I have never seen him like that. It breaks my heart, because I told him we were going to take him home in a few days, but we are unable because of teh outbursts, can't handle that by ourselves.

They gave him new medication and he sleeps most of the time now, which I hate, but the alternative is fighting with him to keep him in bed, he wants to stand and walk and doesn't understand why he can't. He said he didn't know why I was treating him this way. It hurt, even though I understand he doesn't know what he is saying. But he is angry. This is tearing my sister and I up. It is so much easier on us to see him just resting peacefully, but the question is should he be drugged during his final days. I know it is easier on him also, but it is so hard to see such a strong man reduced to this. I walked around his house today, started crying, because he will never come home. They said it is a matter of days, or could be a week no one can predict it. I only hope it comes quickly and peacefully. After losing my mom 5 months ago on April 1st. We are all wondering it will be on the 1st, exactly 5 months after she passed that he will go.

So I am planning on spending most of the next 2 days there, mostly by myself as my sister has chemo treatment, and my husband and daughter are working and she has college classes that just started, so it is going to be hard to deal with on my own.

So, just wanted to update everyone on his progess. Thanks for all the prayers and kind emails.