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Monday, August 31, 2009

My Dad

My dad is still hanging in there, we had him transferred home for hospice home care. He was able to stay home only day. We couldn't control him, he was getting confused and aggressive, the meds weren't calming him down, he wouldn't stay in bed, he kept getting up and kind of combative. They said this was one of the stages.
So we transferred him back to Haven Hospice care center, and he was alright for a few hours, and we went ahead and went home. At 9:30 that evening, we were called back, he was out of control and the meds were not working on him. It was Sunday, so they had to wait for the doctor to come the next morning to increase the medicine or some other med. He would take the medicine and would sit and groan and cry out I'M DYING, help me LORD. Then he would say let me up, they are killing me. We couldn't let him up, was afraid he would fall. But we had to stay, because every two hours, the meds would completely where off and it would all start again. It was a long night. Then he woke up this morning, kind of confused and didn't respond to us,it took about an hour for him to answer us. He looked so sad and fragile sitting there. I have never seen him like that. It breaks my heart, because I told him we were going to take him home in a few days, but we are unable because of teh outbursts, can't handle that by ourselves.
They gave him new medication and he sleeps most of the time now, which I hate, but the alternative is fighting with him to keep him in bed, he wants to stand and walk and doesn't understand why he can't. He said he didn't know why I was treating him this way. It hurt, even though I understand he doesn't know what he is saying. But he is angry. This is tearing my sister and I up. It is so much easier on us to see him just resting peacefully, but the question is should he be drugged during his final days. I know it is easier on him also, but it is so hard to see such a strong man reduced to this. I walked around his house today, started crying, because he will never come home. They said it is a matter of days, or could be a week no one can predict it. I only hope it comes quickly and peacefully. After losing my mom 5 months ago on April 1st. We are all wondering it will be on the 1st, exactly 5 months after she passed that he will go.
So I am planning on spending most of the next 2 days there, mostly by myself as my sister has chemo treatment, and my husband and daughter are working and she has college classes that just started, so it is going to be hard to deal with on my own.
So, just wanted to update everyone on his progess. Thanks for all the prayers and kind emails.

18 comments:

  1. You are in my thoughts and prayers. It is so hard to see your Dad like this. We went through the same thing with my Father in law a few years ago..It is tough but I pray that today your Dad will have peace and you will be able to find peace also..God is a merciful God...lean on him.

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  2. I will keep your family in my prayers. this must be really difficult to go through. Peace to you, Kim

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  3. Prayers be with you. My grandma was the same way and she would say very bad words, words she never said or even thought of in her life. It is truly very sad.
    Special prayers and thoughts of you and your family.

    God bless

    Kathy

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  4. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

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  5. Praying for peace and comfort for you and your Dad. May the Lord be merciful and bing him from this world into his Heavenly Kingdom where he will share in the fullness of the Lords love for him. Peace and Blessings to you.
    Cindy

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  6. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

    Wendy

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  7. What a terrible thing to endure...blessings to you,Dianntha

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  8. Many more prayers for you and your family. We are here for you.
    take care
    Kim

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  9. I'm so sorry for all you are going through, its so hard to see loved ones like that, will keep you in my thoughts and prayers:)

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  10. Thinking of you & praying for you & your family. God bless you all *hug*

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  11. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I have been exactly where you are and it is so hard. God knows and He cares. May you know His comfort and His peace today.

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  12. Just know that many are praying for you. Lean on the Lord, give it all to him to carry for you.

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  13. I am praying for you for strength and peace. God be with you.

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  14. My prayers and thoughts are with you. It's such a hard hard thing to endure. I went through all of what you explained with my Dad just over 2 years ago. Please know that he doesn't mean what he says... things in his mind are totally distorted. I pray that God will be with you in this difficult time, and keep you close to His heart.
    Jude

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  15. Yes this is a hard situation to endure. This happened to my Mom. This is about radical acceptance of what the real reality is. Using pros and cons may help here. What is your goal here? What about your father and his reality? Do you know what his wishes were? It is hard to deal with a situation like this and you, your family and father have my prayers. You are not alone God is with you and your father always.

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  16. Praying for your family. Make sure you are taking care of yourself in this difficult time.

    Hugs,
    Becky

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  17. Continued prayers for you and your family. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Love and hugs!!!!

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  18. You and your family are still in my prayers as you go through this difficult time.
    hugs, Cindy

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