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Thursday, August 27, 2009

My Dad is dying

What a terrible day, I woke up to a phone call that my dad had been taken to the local hospital emergency room. He was in cardiac arrest. When I got there, he had tubes down his nose and throat, helping him breathe. They almost lost him at the hospital then. They transported him to a larger hospital, kept the tubes in.
He was half awake, kept pulling at the tubes and crying. His eyes wouldn't blink and his eyes are very glassy. I asked him to nod if he wanted the tubes out, he said yes. I knew he had a living will and had expressed quite firmly he did not want to be hooked up to tubes and kept alive.
The doctors had a conference, my sister and I had to decide what to do, what a horrrible thing to have to decide if you want your dad to live on the tubes or die if the tubes are taken out. I asked the doctor to stop the drugs to where he would be more lucid and she was able to talk to him and ask him if he wanted the tubes out. He said yes, he wanted them out and no more medicine.
So they took them out, he was awake and talking kept saying he didn't feel good, then his stomach started paining him really bad and they gave him some medicine, then he went to sleep. My husband and I went home for a little bit and my sister called and said they had put him in a small room, off by itself. That he became kind of violent, pulling at his clothes and yelling, out of his head. He didn't know her. So they are going to keep him sedated on morphine till the end.
I know I said to myself that he was just getting worse, maybe it would be better for him to just go to sleep and not wake up. And now he is doing just that, and I feel so guilty, telling the doctors about his living will and his not wanting to live anymore. But my sister agreed with me, that this is what he wanted, but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. His doctor this past week had told him not to do any exercise, not to play pool or even walk around anymore than he had to. So after that, he kept saying I guess I am lot worse than I thought I was. So he knew in his heart he didn't have much time left. So please keep usin your prayers.

46 comments:

  1. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family. You are doing the right thing and what your Dad wanted. Take Care of yourself. Donna, Ebay ID: countercrafts, gmills4@suddenlink.net

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  2. Take Care Sandy, will see you soon. Love, Carmen

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  3. Sandy, I know what you are going through, I had
    to sign a DNR for my mother, after her last stroke, let me tell ya that is hard...Be glad that he has a living will which made it his
    decision, don't feel guilty following his wishes, this is what he wants. The doctors should have asked you about one...Take comfort in knowing that you are there for him and doing as he wishes. My thoughts and prayers are for you and your family tonight...
    Wish I really could give you a hug...Karen

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  4. Prayers coming your way for you and your family from NC.
    Hugs,
    Deb

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  5. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  6. My heart is so sad for you and your sister right now. I know how it is to lose a mother and a father. My prayers are with you and your family. Sherie

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  7. You and your family are in my prayers. This is a tough thing to go through. Peggy Lee

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  8. My heart is heavy for you. He can't continue to live in that pain. He needs peace and rest. Very hard decision for you. You and your sister are in my prayers. Love, Kim

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  9. Love and prayers go out to you and your family. I have been in your shoes and gone through the guilt. It is OK, you made the right decision. Hug, Chatty Kathy

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  10. My prayers are with you. I know how you feel. I went through this with my grandmother. She had a living will. I was there everyday. It's hard, but it is what they want. With the meds he is out of pain now. Huggs to you and your sister and your family.
    Love,
    Melanie

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  11. My prayers are with you and your family. I understand what you are going through as I also had to make a similar decision with my mother 10 years ago. It was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life, but I know it's what she wanted.
    hugs
    Neenee

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  12. Sandy, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I am so sorry.
    ~~Patti~~

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  13. Sending lots of hugs & prayers....it's a hard, hard thing when you're losing the strongest man in your world...know that it's what he wanted & he's on his path to walk with angels...
    More hugs,
    lisa

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  14. Trying to carry out a parents wishes are so hard to do especially when your heart is telling you something different. I had to make the same decisions you are back in July of 2008 with my daddy. Sorry but I can't write anymore. I will be praying for peace for you and for God's loving grace for your father.
    Hugs and prayers,
    AMY

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  15. i'm praying for you and your family~hugs to you!

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  16. Oh Sandy....my heart breaks for you. I can't even imagine. You are in my prayers. The Lord will see you through this. Take care.

    BIG HUGS, Judy

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  17. Prayers are going out for you and your Dad and your family. Please know that you did the right thing. You had to be the voice for your father because he couldn't do it himself anymore. It's so hard, I know, I've been there, but in time you will see that you did what you had to do. Hugs to ya and yours.

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  18. So sorry to hear about your dad...praying for peace for him, you, and your family.

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  19. My heart it saddened for you and your family....I know that my dad had a "heart transplant" almost 5 years ago and was knocking on "heavens door" several times toward the end when finaaly a perfect match donors heart came in...and I can remember how those moments felt...I will keep you, your dad, and family in continuous prayer.

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  20. My heart goes out to you. I lost my dad when I was 14 but i cherish the memories with him. I am glad that you have had you daddy for so long. just be there for him and lean on your family during this time. Also lean on God he will be there for you.
    Hugs...
    Cindy

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  21. My heart it heavy with thoughts of your difficult situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Be strong!!
    Big hugs xOxO, Nerina

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  22. Sometimes the hard decisions are the right ones to make. Don't take this decision on yourself- it was your dad's choice and you are doing what he wants. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  23. Sending thoughts and prayers for you and your family. Giving up a parent is never an easy thing, but you have made the right decision for your Dad. He will proud that your honored his choice. God's peace to you.
    Hugs, Cindy

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  24. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I've been there also. I was with my dad the day he died. I like to remember his beautiful blue eyes rather than that glassy look he had in them that day. When we saw him staring up and talking to his brothers (who had died years before), we knew God had sent some familiar angels to bring him home. For the first time in years, he had no more pain.

    Five years later when I lost my mother, I did not get to stay with her in the emergency room, but the doctor gave me such comfort. She was so compasssionate. Even though we had used the same small hospital for years and were familiar with all the doctors, that night a new doctor was on call. Her name...Angel! God works in mysterious ways!

    May the Lord give you comfort and peace.

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  25. Praying for you and your family

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  26. I know this is very difficult time for and you made a very difficult decision. I made the same decision with my Mom. I have to say it was hard at the time but I now know it was the kind and loving thing to do for her- and it was what she wanted also. I now have peace knowing that her suffering had ended and she was at peace.
    I will pray for your family and keep you in my thoughts.

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  27. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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  28. It's always hard to follow through with a loved ones wishes.My prayers for you and your family.

    Kathy

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  29. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family! I also have had to make this decision on my dad. He has been gone for over 10 years now and I still feel it was the right thing to do, although I miss him like crazy!
    HUGS!
    Brenda

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  30. Oh Sandy, since I only lost my Dad just over 2 weeks ago I know how you are feeling. There is pretty well nothing anyone can say that will ease the pain right now, I just pray that you can draw strength through this from your family and loved ones. I'm thinking about you. Blessings, Nancy

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  31. I'm praying for you, I am so sorry for what you are going though, praying for God's grace and strength.

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  32. Sandy, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this, please know we are here for you, God Bless and you all are in my prayers.

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  33. Sandy I am so sorry you are having to go through this. We had to make the same dicision for my loving father in law a year ago. I know it is difficult right now for you and your sister. My prayers are with you and your family.
    Prim Blessings
    Chris

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  34. Sandy - Your Dad has fought an incredible battle. It's now time for him to rest and be with your Mom. How proud he must be of you for being such a loyal, giving and loving daughter. May God bless and see you through this difficult time.

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  35. Sandy-my thoughts and prayers are with you in this heartbreaking time.

    Hugs-Becky

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  36. Sandy,
    I am so sorry to hear the news of your dad. Although we are at different ends of the country I am with you in thought and spirit during this difficult time. As hard as it is, try to feel content that you are carrying out his wishes. What a celebration in heaven when he and your mom are together again!
    Hugs,
    Deb

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  37. Lifting you all up in prayer, hugs from Jessica.

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  38. Thoughts and prayers are with you now and in the days to come. Hugs from Ohio.

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  39. May God wrap his loving arms around your Dad and you and your sweet family. I am so sorry that yall are having to go through this. I too have had to go through this with my Dad. I had to make that choice as well and it is the hardest thing to do. I felt guilty like you. It will be ok, just pray and stay close to your family right now along with your Dad. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. God bless yall.

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  40. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. Please try to not feel quilty about carrying out your dad's wishes...I'm sure it means everything to him that you were able to do that for him and I'm sure he knew how difficult it was for you to it. You all are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time.
    hugs, Cindy

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  41. I'm so sorry. I lost my Dad as well. He was sick also for a long time and he just didn't have any fight left in him. He was ready to go. We were all with him when he left his earthly body, my Mom told him to reach out and take Jesus's hand and we believe he did just that. You are doint the right thing by honoring his wishes.
    My prayers are for all of you at this time.
    Maureen

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  42. I pray you find peace...that God shows you the next step...I will pray for you. I have no idea how horrible this must be. dianntha

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  43. I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I too had to make decions like this about my Mom. My prayers are with you and your family. Hugs, Valerie

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  44. Oh my gosh! I am so sorry to hear about your dad and the heartache you are going through. My heart goes out to you and your family during this hard time and will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. The hardest thing in life is letting go...but find comfort in knowing when he leaves, it won't really be goodbye,he is preparing a place for his loved ones in Heaven and you will see each other again...

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  45. I am so sorry! My prayers are with you at this time.GOD's Peace over you & your family at this time

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